Hello people.
Sorry for lack updates.  As u know im more to my first blog than this as this Fabsugar is only for my private one. No one knows other than Bby. Firstly i miss bby. Wanna meet Bby like , NOW ! hahah..
 
K then wanna talk about friendships lifes.
I can see through my eyes that it seems that NO one , like all my friends , can be my suitable Bestfriends. Friends or good friends are fine and alright. But none can be my bestfriend. Gosh !
I cant take it... I mean , Akit , eLLa, yes my Best of ever friends. But in fact , they are graduating soon. So yup.. I cant only depend or rely on them to be always be there for me. Cause they cant be there for me for now or like everytime. They are having their BIG papers. I understand that. But hey , I must find a bestfriend now. To be there for me everytime I need them.. All my friends are like "masalah kehidupan" in malay.. HMMMPH ! So its like really hard for me. And thus , i got too pissed and irritated by both Ira and Lina. Idk why... I hate them. Oh yes i might be hating people here and there randomly but this is really true . Im stating the fact here. Im not gonna lie anymore. Yes , i somehow hate Ira and Lina. But im not being two-faced person unlike others or some of my friends. I hate that but why must I stupidly have done that right ? So no. Not that type of person. Im not what you think. And seriously I've no idea. I want to have new friends. And I mean True Real New Friends. Not fake one. For Ira , i love her . But I hate her attitude. Its like she's very "ngada2" in malay , dont know how to say that. And yes really true. Even like just now in POA lessons. She and her boyfriend . Fcuk! I was so damn fed up and pissed ! Gosh ! I cant even concentrate la on POA class. So damn pissed.. Gosh ! Then want to cry .......For what reason , idk. Dont wanna know either. Then i think they fought or something. Gosh i cant take it la they all. Thenn keep on keeping quiet , her face was as if she wants a sympathy from others. I mean us , girls.. Then Lina.. Gosh ! idk la how to elaborate or either talk about it. She's just not suitable enough for me  to be my bestfriend ..  Cant take it. I also felt very irritated by her. In add , i sat beside her everyday some more. Oh ma ! It makes me feel more and more hatred towards her. And I just throw my tantrums just now in Geog and Maths lessons towards her. But eventually , she didnt realized it . I was like...... Oh gosh ! I want someone to change his/her place with her. or maybe girlfys. And i think my life is not enough of friends. I had enough of everything.. And what was I thinking now ? What am i trying to say towards my friends ? what ??? Yes but im stating the fact that I HAVE NO ENOUGH FRIENDS ! or neither BESTFRIENDS. or either SOMEONE TO RELY ON ! I need BABY so muchh. Baby i want u . I want u to be mine. I cant wait any longer. But i Loved and Missed you so much.
Maybe , Baby knows what I want and what is going on in my life.. Baby , i feel alone here without u around...
But i still want friends too. Friends nowadays are like.....Wth !
They wanna use me. Use me for nothing ! Just nothing. Lack of friends.. I want Special friends. Lina , Ira , please or other people stop saying that im ur bestfriends or good friend or anything. Because once a Bestfriend , always a Bestfriend. Remember ? And Bestfriends will helped out each other and be there when they need you or u need them. Right ? Thus , help u out or any other things. But now , NO MORE ! No more calling bestfriends. Shaaark ! Please la.. I dont wanna being used. Im not a doll , im not a wrapper or plastics or waste material for u to use and then being thrown just like that away. I've being hurt. Hurt that makes me hate all of u friends. And hurt that makes me think that i fail in everything. And hurt that makes me wanna migrate. And hurt makes me think that i might be changing school and hurt also may say that i wanna STOP DANCING ! Hurts may also makes me Fall SICK.. Whats with that ? Whats wrong ?? Its not my fault. But friends. They think More on their Boyfriends and spending more times with each other together. And forget about Bestfriends behind. Hence , they also think more on their ownself , dance, the one they admired alot , got to be chosen with professionals , rich , rather than their own Bestfriends. Where one of her Bestfriends here , feel disappointed , angry. All this while that she have helped her very good Bestfriends on many things since sec 1 and maybe another in sec 2 , left her and just used her as if she's an outsider or just like a disposable things. Gosh and i cant take it. Oh sweets , ur words are just so sweet that I've throwed it away from my heart and mind and from my ears. "Shed in tears". I just couldnt believe why am i being like this. And my dearest 30T or "my friends outside" are just " FRIENDS COME AND GO". How sad am i. I dont think they are thinking of me all this while , i dont think they will organized things that i may be in . Not tryna ask them to let me in. What i mean was , they will ask me for out and things like that. Now , i dont think so . Because why ? I was the one who wants to go out on Hari Raya and just to meet them. I was the one who plans this. Why not them ? If they would plan this , did they inform me ? No. eLLa  ? No either.. Im just so sad. And I miss VogueLicious. They are just my Sweet Sweet Dearest Honey Bunny ! But , hmm... Not sure....  I  just missed them. Especially Babyy. I understand that u're having ur BIG papers too. Im cool about that. But hey , i feel like crying all out infront of my mom , saying that i want to change school , to a girls's school or even to MIGRATE to my aunt's country, which is in London.Maybe my family and I would be going there next year June holidays or end of year.. I want to go there so much. Or maybe study over there. I want to be successful in life. But how could I ? With all this kind of problems here...? It always been stucked in my head and its really hard for me to solve or even to forget about it. Its really hard for me to study and absorbed things that i've studied all this while. Its like my memory are full of hurt feelings.  I just dont wanna be alone. But if i have to , then i would just dont mind..
But afterall , i still love my friends. Its just that im disappointed. Really.. I dont mind losing of friends. I can be myself without friends.
I just dont want Baby to leave or forget me like my friends do. Or would maybe Bestfriends ??
hmmm... Fake Fake !
Akit and eLLa. I just love both of u. Thanks for being there for me. Hearing or listening of my tears. Helped me alot in everything . Made me happy whenever im feeling down. I just dont know how to pay back all the helps that i've asked alot from both of u. And i feel sick of it..  I believe even more on both of u. Everything that i've told , like my secrets and all , it means that I believe in both of u alot. Also that im being like this.So what if i am Lesbian ? Did i harm other people ?? NO ! Exactly..and hey Thanks for keeping my secrets. I love both of u and also Miss u girls aloooooot !
Oh ya , to My dearest Mira , i love her alot actually. Wanted to tell her what i heard from others about her. But i think i should not. It may be hurting ur feelings. Whatever it is , im telling u people that actually she's a good friend to me. And i love her alot. tc of ur health and i'll tc of mine. =)
Well , people are all not perfect.. So do me. =)
To Bby , I miss you alot too. Wanna meet u asap.
 
Okay i think thats about all.
Shall log out now. Tc and beware of ur friends or bestfriends.
For me , they are all just "FRIENDS COME AND GO". I wont stop saying this , unless they prove me wrong that friends are NOT come and go.
So bye . Toodles..
Loves , Feeza Emys. =)